Desperation & A Lack of Resolution

Let me preface all of this with stating that coherently organizing and expressing emotions is incredibly difficult, nigh impossible, when you have both manic depression and autism, so even I am not sure about how representative what I am going to say will be of my true feelings. Also, I have a really bad joke I plan to make, in order to keep this readable so... sorry for that one in advance. =D

Yesterday, I realized that I had comments on mah blog from "J". Now, because I am the sherlock-esque master of mystery solving that I am, I have deduced that there is a 90% probability that it is, in fact, the person I refer to from time-to-time as J. Why 90%? Because I pulled that out of my ass. If you want an answer that is not from my ass, then I will just say that more likely than not, it is. And really, how many people do you know that go by one letter for a name?

I can think of 1

Why do I care so much? Because while I had buried the internal strife I had over that, it was really just covered in a layer of dust created by time, rather than any actual, emotional closure. I would just text J and ask but I technically promised to never text her again, so... I can't. However, whomever the mystery commenter is will see this, if they read this blog. I am not sure whether I want it to actually be her or not. However, I guess that if the pain of it all is still fresh in my heart after this much time, my feelings for her were deeply ingrained, so overall, I hope it is her.

So, if you read this and it is you...please reply so at the very least, I can stop stressing. Because you know me; I will stress about this; forever. I am emotionally irrational.