A Letter

I am going to write a letter. I promised to not talk to her directly, so maybe if I put this out there, she might stumble upon it. I don't know. Probably not, but it makes me feel better. Unless you are her or are just nosy, you probably won't want t keep reading. I'll just use her middle initial, in case she would rather I not talk about her on the internet.

Dear J,

I'm sorry for what I did. I wasn't thinking. I wanted to make you mad, but I didn't want to destroy our friendship. You were my best friend. Knowing you meant a lot to me. You made me smile, a lot. You're kind, intelligent, and understanding.

You're the only person I've ever known that understands my fucked-up mind, at all. We didn't get to hang out much; I regret that. I only ever hugged you once; I regret that even more. You have no idea how much I appreciated knowing you. You know I was a depressed person before, but since that happened, I have been almost non-functional. I don't deserve any better though. I did something terrible to a wonderful person.

You affected me pretty heavily. Because I met you, the way I perceived the world and the emotions of others differently. My own feelings became more complex. I tried different things and found I liked them, in an attempt to get to know you; Harry Potter, Metalcore, The Catcher in the Rye. I have so many things now that remind me of you. Looking around my own room has become painful. The Christmas present I was never able to give you is in the corner. I don't know what I am going to do with it. I'm sorry I never gave it to you. I'm a dumbass.

I would like to think you enjoyed know me, if just a little. I wish I could make it up to you. I would do anything. I'm so sorry. I miss your friendship.

Ya tebya lublu.

With love,

Roddy